Appreciate The 'Function' In Your Life

Yes, I'm back from the blogger grave. My goal is to keep my posting up to date, but life and stuff seem to get in the way at times, so bear with me.

From time to time I will post an experience I have at work and I'd love to hear your thoughts. As a probation officer working with juvenile offenders and their families, I see many examples of what most would consider dysfunction within the family. We all have various levels of dysfunction within our lives but sometimes I see situations that could win the argument for mandatory parent licensing. That's my extreme view on the subject for sure. But know, there are kids out there (more than you'd think unfortunately) that go through way too much from people who shouldn't have the title of 'parent'.

An example is the 16 year old boy on my caseload who has substance abuse issues, steals money from his family and has anger / emotional issues. He's actually a pretty nice kid, until the proverbial trigger gets pulled. One day this kids father calls me and said his son is out of control and needs to be booked into the Juvenile Hall immediately. Ooookeeeey, need a bit more information. So the dad tells me that his son is blaming Dad for taking his marijuana (hmmmmm), and the kid is tearing the house apart looking for it. Now, another caveat that I should mention is the dad is currently going through a CPS investigation due to the fact he hit his son during an argument recently. So I tell dad we can't just take his son out of his home without an extreme reason. The dad, who just met with a CPS investigator earlier that day and has a handle on the lingo, says to me, "So, if I were to beat the shit out of my son, wouldn't that create an unsafe environment that would affect his placement?" I told the dad that would affect his placement when he goes to jail. This jack-ass just laughs and tells me he wouldn't really do it, but is "almost to that point". A few weeks later the kid was at home lying on his bed when the dad came into his room and punched a hole in the wall above the kid's head during an argument. The dad told the kid, "This could be you", and apparently hit the wall and not the kid because he knew that jail cell was waiting for him. The kid went to live with his mom after that, but was back at his dad's after a few weeks when mom checked herself into a rehab for alcoholism. We'll see how things go this time around for the poor kid.

I'm love movie quotes, so let me drop one that fits this situation to a 'T':

"...You need a license to buy a dog or drive a car. Hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reamin' asshole be your father."
- Keanu Reeves in 'Parenthood'

We must appreciate the good functional components in our lives and not dwell on the bad. Because no matter how bad our lives seem to get, always remember there are those out there not so fortunate and live life with dysfunction as the norm.

Enjoy Your Adventure

My sister-in-law emails me with the idea to escape from the toddlers for a weekend. I'll admit, it didn't take me long to feverishly type my affirmative and pick a date. Cheryl had located a spa-resort in St. George, Utah called Red Mountain Spa. The spa idea was a curious one, since we were on the search for a little zen time to de-stress from jobs and toddler chasing. This particular spa was different than your average pamper you till you drop variety. 3 meals a day at their restaurant was included in the price, as well as a list of daily exercise classes, relaxation classes, and hikes in beautiful Snow Mountain Canyon. They give you a $100 credit toward spa treatments or different outings. They have two pools and hot tubs on the property and an array of hammocks and waterfalls in which to blob by.

The resort was located at the base of beautiful red buttes and surrounded by green sprinkled desert (we were fortunate to arrive before the heat really hit in the summer, so there was quite a bit of greenery around). We got there at lunch time, so Cheryl and I meandered to the Canyon Cafe and enjoyed the lunch buffet. The food at the Cafe is focused toward health - it was all fresh, low in the calories and sodium, and extremely tasty. As we were eating, it was apparent that we were out of our element. People sat at the surrounding tables wearing exercise-style clothing and all had their water bottles with them. We were used to a normal amount of stress when eating in a restaurant when we were attempting to contain our toddlers within their chairs, and hoped their voices would stay below the 8 decibel mark as to not bother other patrons. Here, everyone was pleasant and relaxed (and yes, we noticed, no kids were in the vicinity).

Our first stop was at the Red Mountain Outfitters store, where Cheryl picked up some flip-flops (with living in Seattle, the weather doesn't often allow much reason to have a pair), and I got some shirts for the boys at home and new outdoor-style shorts and pants. I realized I only packed jeans and shorts, but no loose pants or sweats for activities. We got ourselves decked out in outfitter gear and joined in to that of the 'active' spa culture.

Our next step was to plan out our activity schedule for the next four days. There are always things going on, and several activities required advanced reservations. Over the course of the next several days, we went on a canyon hike, horseback ride, yoga, nordic walking, stretching, mountain bike ride and aqua circuit class. We also signed up for 'an evening with the stars' activity where we got a presentation on astronomy in the extremely vivid Utah night sky. We also much enjoyed two treatments each at the spa (I had the Desert Rain massage and the Soaring Spirit body wrap-most excellent!!). There was plenty of time for lounging at the pool or hanging in a hammock throughout the day as well.

We thoroughly enjoyed each activity, but found a curious phenomenon occurring at the start or conclusion of our activities. Most of the guides would give us an "enjoy your adventure" statement. I started to feel like we were at Disneyland with the staff forced into creating a particular illusion for the guest by having to utter a catch phrase every time. Cheryl and I took a 'Mountain Bike 101' class (it was actually the two of us and a bike guide-made it a lot more fun), in order to learn the technical side to off-roading. While the guide was driving us out to the trail, she was talking about living in the small town and working at the spa. I found her to have a somewhat cynical side and a good sense of humor, so I dared ask as we were about to start out on the trail if the employees were forced to utter the adventure statement to all guests. She started laughing and said that they were required to say it as often as possible. In order to keep them to the corporation's policy, there is the occasional 'secret shopper' sent out to evaluate how the employee treats the guests. She said that she was always getting in trouble for missing the phrase (sounded like on purpose).

I must thoroughly recommend this vacation to anyone who wants to get away to a beautiful location, no matter if they wish to remain active or relax and be pampered. When I first heard of going on a spa vacation, I was thinking we'd spend all day in bathrobes going from a facial to a massage to a pedicure for the entire vacation (not a horrible thought, I must admit). But I am now a converted believer in the 'active and healthy' spa retreat and see that we all need a place to recharge our batteries from time to time. Check it out: http://www.redmountainspa.com/

Passion

I have this on my wall at work - food for thought...

begin and begin
and begin again
begin any time
begin any where
begin any way
to begin is the thing
hold tight to your passion
the thing is to begin
begin any time
begin anywhere
anyhow

A Gym Is A Gym?

Lets talk gyms. There are some people who detest the thought of going to the same place (almost) every day, doing repititous exercises and sharing locker room space. I am one of those people who do best being a self-proclaimed 'gym rat', where I can get myself well focused on the activity I'll be doing, all while tuning others out with my personal I-Tunes selection. This is my gym experience in general. I've gone to quite a few gyms before, and to me, I was always drawn to how many cardio machines it has, what types of group classes it offers, does it have a pool & hot tub, or if it boasts the newest line of weight machines or circuit training equipment. When I started going regularly to the gym last year, I chose one across the street from my work for convenience. I figured it'd not be much different from anywhere else I've gone.

What I learned at this particular gym was a different component to the workout: socialization. I am a quiet and relatively shy person by nature, and my usual M.O. is to go to a gym workout, and leave. I would give the occasional smile or pleasant 'hi' or 'good morning', but then I would disappear into a solitary sweaty focused existance while I got through my workout. What I found at this particular gym was different. There are a group of women that come to this gym every weekday that meet before and after their workouts to talk about their lives, health, jobs, activities, or practically anything that came up in conversation in the locker room. If someone isn't there, the ladies would ask eachother where the person was, if they were ok and if there was something they could do to help (if someone needed it). I found myself looking forward to listening to the day's topic of conversation. The ladies are so passionate about certain discussions, and are so supportive and compassionate of eachother. After they finished in the locker room they'd meet in the small lounge area and chat over a cup of coffee.

I think that when I first started, the ladies were a bit wary of this quiet woman changing clothes in the corner. I'm sure they were wondering if I'd keep coming to the gym or if I'd pitter out like so many others before me. I just kept to myself for the first few months, trying to get a routine going so early in the morning. But they did notice me, and one day someone gave me a compliment that I was looking like I was loosing weight. Another lady asked if I had kids, so I brought in a few pics of the lil guy and passed them around. I felt welcomed and supported when I came to this gym every morning. I was even surprised that when I would be out for a week or two (whether it be due to illness or work-related training), the ladies would ask if I was ok. After a two week absence I even got a phone call from a woman who worked at the gym, saying people were asking about what happened to me. These ladies are so sweet and it helped me look forward to getting to the gym so early in the morning.

Unfortunately, I transferred to a new office and now go to a corporate mass-produced gym with the latest equipment and classes. I am amazed at how different it is - most people don't even make eye contact, let alone get into conversations with eachother. People are just coming to workout, then leave to begin their day. At the other gym, people began their day there, with a warm smile and friendly conversation. When it comes to health and wellness, supportive friends are an important component to your workout. People are a great motivator for other people, and socialization is not necessarily a bad thing. I wish to thank the ladies for reminding me of that fact :)

The Last Friggin 10 Pounds!!

I am now on a quest. I have been within 10 pounds of my weight loss goal for awhile now. The good news is I've been able to maintain my current weight within 6 pounds, so I feel confident that I can loose a bit when I let it creep up too high. The bad news is I'm unable to get to the magic number I've set my goal at. Questions - should I be happy at my current weight and just work on maintenence, or should I get more determined and strive to attain my goal of the last 10 pounds? To be honest, it's more of a personal thing to attain the goal I've originally set (and, as my husband can attest, I can be a bit stubborn at times-whatever). Heck, it's taken me this long to get this close, but at this point, should I let nothing deter me from getting to the golden number?

Let's talk numbers: I know that some people get so focused on what the scale says. I realize how unhealthy this can be. After all, there are height to weight ratios, body fat percentage and that weird BMI thing the internet keeps pushing to all keep into consideration when figuring out a healthy range. Looking to the scale can in some cases become an addiction, where you focus soley on the numbers and not on your overall health and fitness. What I've learned through all my weight loss ups and downs is this: there are so many components to health and wellness, you should never become so focused on one area that you get tunnel-vision to everything else that's important.

However, I have a personal goal that I will strive to accomplish. If I don't get there right away, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I know the last 10 pounds of weight loss is a bear anyway, since by now your body is saying "enough!!" and assimilates quickly to things you're trying to do to burn calories. As with any goal you need to be focused, but be willing to refocus and change your plan of attack as needed. To my husband who has been putting up with this for a long time now, know this: I will not let this become an obsession or an addiction as I keep working toward the goal.

Oh yeah, and one more thing: I can be a bit stubborn at times ;)

Healthy Anger

“Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."
- Yoda

Yes, I know, I am letting my closet nerd peer out a bit. But, as a forever nerd of the Star Wars genre, I've always been curious about the whole dark side thing when it comes to anger. As a law enforcement officer, we're trained when we get into a life or death fight with a bad guy, you must do anything to survive. If you've been shot and see yourself bleeding out, what would motivate you more to get through it: thinking about the fact that you're dying or get pissed off about what this guy did to you? Anger can give you the edge and strength to survive.

It's mentioned that anger can be a positive in this situation because it can drive you to survive and not to give up. I've taken and taught women's self defense classes before and anger, again, can be an extremely endearing trait in a deadly situation. Anger can help you pull out that last little bit of inner strength that you have left (or didn't know you had) to fight back against the attacker and get you through it. There have been numerous stories of personal survival (lost in a snowstorm, trapped in a cave-in, etc) where a person is physically beaten down and wants to give up their life because it feels too hard to continue. But it's the anger that awakens them out of that self defeating mindset to keep fighting to live.

What about competitive anger? For those that thrive on physical competitition, think about when you're in a race, ride, etc, and you've hit that mental wall that makes you feel like you don't want to keep going? You're body is exhausted and is screaming at you to quit the insanity. For some athletes, they have to dig deep to find the determination to push their body to continue. And sometimes the determination begins as anger, with the mind telling the body "F#@! you, there is no way we are going to quit!"

A little dose of healthy anger can also help a person stand up for themselves in a situation where they feel wronged. If a person is initially too shy or polite to confront the situation, angry feelings are useful to motivate the confrontation so issues can be discussed and hopefully resolved.

The "dark side" comes into play when a person is angry a lot over practically everything (we all know someone who falls into this category), and lets their anger bottle up without letting it out in positive ways. Anger can generate bitterness, depression and pessimism, which can affect the person negatively throughout their life if they don't recognize it.

I believe anger does get a bad rap at times, and can have a useful place in our lives. But beware of the dark side of anger as well - it can consume you if you let it.

One last Yodism on the subject: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Wellness

It's Sunday morning and I was enjoying a nice cup of coffee and breakfast while my son watched the movie Cars for the 251st time (that's a small estimate, of course). My husband and I take turns on the weekend letting each other sleep in, and this was his morning to sleep a little later. The weather outside is rainy and windy, making it feel cozy to remain inside in pj's. When Ken gets up I finish my breakfast and get dressed. Not something I'd chose to do in my former life, but now my focus turns to going to the gym to catch a spin class and try out my first yoga class.

The spin class was an hour long and left my legs feeling exhausted. I was tempted to just go home at this point, but I've always wanted to try yoga and didn't want to miss this opportunity. Some people raise their eyebrows at yoga feeling it's too much a part of the 'New Age' movement that hit our society hard in the last decade or so. I've been interested in yoga for a few reasons: to minimize stress and help me relax through the meditation / visualization aspect, and to improve my flexibility to aid my occasional lower back (sciatic nerve) pain. In my workouts I usually focus on either cardio, ab work or strength training with weights. I've been wanting to put what I consider a 'wellness' component into my overall routine and I figured yoga would be a good step.

The class began with light meditation and listening to positive affirmations. It was very calming and helped you to 'center' yourself (sorry if I'm getting too New Age here but bear with me). We then moved to various yoga stretches and positions on our mat, all with relaxing music in the background. My flexibility was not bad and it felt great to stretch so much. The one thing I didn't expect from the routines was how much it caused you to work on your balance and core strength. I can see how, if you're working at a higher level, yoga can give you a very good toning workout.

We ended the hour-long class with a meditative visualization exercise. I had been introduced to visualization techniques through martial arts, where you train yourself to visualize images and feelings during a sustained period of meditation. The whole process is very calming and helps your body relax. I felt extremely good when the class was over and definitely want to attend this class again.

I whole-heartily believe 'wellness' is important to any one's overall health. Stress is an ugly monster that people usually are not aware of until it it too late. If you can incorporate a wellness portion into your routine, it can benefit your health so much, as well as give balance to your life. Now, not everyone needs to learn how to meditate or do yoga stretches for wellness - I believe it's different for everybody. One person's yoga is another person's 30 mile bike ride. Some people get serenity in rock climbing while others find peace in reading a book or gardening. If a person deprives their lives of wellness because they can't find the time to fit it in, they're asking for health problems and general unhappiness within an unbalanced life. Doesn't sound fun to me.